Tuesday, January 11, 2011

some poetry

i also forgot to mention i love writing poetry, here is some of my work;

what if i didnt believe-

heavenly father if you are out of mind

can you open my mind to show me more than i can perceive
please answer me this one grind
what if i didnt believe
would you still love and care my family
they say "god loves all" is it wrong if i disagree
if youre still listening give a second to this wanna be
how come it feels like im the only one that keeps asking why?
will you still answers my prayers?
did you hold her when we all watched our Grandma die
when i die will you still let me come up the Stairs
please let my Sissy come home tonight
please dont make us bury her too
if you have to steal her please give me her address so i can still write
is it really fair to make us go through deja vu
please fuckin explain why growing up everyones nightmare was our everyday
all the hurt and anger made us grow up strong
but the Family Cross is too heavy cant you see im not the only one way past Breakdown
i honestly know heaven is a place i dont belong
i've always been the one everyone points and laughs and says heres the clown
have mercy please God help my family and take their pain
you can give it to me, fuck it, i will be glad to take it
hope when i lay down tonight youre the answer to my question
in everyones elses eyes will i ever be more than a unwanted misfit
forgive and forget me, just take my  Loved Ones out of their Great Depression
so if i say i have a little doubt please dont get mad
when i die if we finally meet face to face
will i still be a subhuman piece of trash or was it the world coloring me bad
i stand respectfully yours as i watch you go
knowing full well how it pains me to do so
heartbreak isn't easy, i'm sure you already know
the healing will be tough & i know it'll be slow
God giving in the end we'll have more love of our own
please remember me in your prayers & don't
be afraid to say hello
as much as i don't agree
it's only right i set you free
i wish i could change the things
that lead us to be so unhappy
but alas time doesn't rewind or wait
for anyone
certainly didn't wait for me
i guess being angry is normal to some degree
considering i've spoken my peace and
made my plea
in the end noone likes to be rejected
but our lives were nothing like what we projected
and it feels like we worked so hard to keep it protected
we rotted from the inside & our love was infected
even so i don't want this to end but whatever your
decision is, i have to respect it
i lost myself between the emotions
and i lost you as a result
its all just bullshit
and i know it's my fault
but goodbye is bittersweet
i cry because i've lost but
but smile upon memories
that may just be my favorite one
you smiling right back at me
even though we're clearly done
whenever i think of that day i'm free
and for just a moment, purely happy
to say i wish you love would be a lie
but maybe in the future i'll change my mind
i wish you happiness in life
you'll succeed, it's in your blood
you always make it, though the going gets tough
& i know you're surrounded by a ton of love
just don't ever change, you're so much more than enough
you're too good to settle for less
though if you change your mind
you know my answer is yes
i stand, respectfully yours as i watch you go
knowing you wont return but still naively hoping so
this love is hard to let go & i'm sure you already know
the healing will be rough but i'll take it slow
i pray that you never feel alone
for i am always with you during your highs
and especially your lows
in any case, the number hasn't changed on my
& you're still listed as home..  

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